Heartstopper Has My Heart

I first began reading the Heartstopper comics in preparation for the series, and I only found out about either because I saw some entertainment websites hyping up both things. As I learned more about both, my initial impression of both was that it was a cute story I might enjoy, even though I thought it might be a bit superficial. I don’t think I could have been more wrong.

From a distance, the stories of Heartstopper might appear cutesy and superficial, but they are anything but. Partly because I think I’m somewhat above the age of the target audience, I wasn’t expecting too much from the comics or the series. Even though I fully expected to enjoy the series, I didn’t know just how much it would end up meaning to me.

As a queer person, it feels like life is a constant journey of learning about yourself. I think Heartstopper helped my learn about myself by making me look at some things in my life differently.

Much like Charlie, I endured bullying and more during my time in school. I also sometimes realize that, like Charlie early in the story, I never took the time to psychologically and emotionally recover from all that. I now see that as a result of that, I sometimes still have trusting people on an emotional level. I started to make these connections because of Charlie’s journey, specifically a moment I first encountered in the comics, but was later worked into the series. In one of the scenes where Charlie is talking to Geoff, Geoff points out to Charlie that he often seeks to retain control of a lot things because he wasn’t in control of the situation when he was being bullied and when he was with Ben. When I first read this scene in Volume 5, a light bulb went off in my head. I knew for some time that being in situations where I didn’t feel like I am in control make me feel very uneasy, but I never understood why. After reading this, I began to understand why.

Similarly, I’ve never shared with anyone that when I first realized I am queer, I had a small moment filled with negative emotions and “why me?” Maybe because I never shared this with anyone, I never realized this is a somewhat common, even normal thing for someone going through a such a journey. I only realized being sad, angry, or otherwise upset when you first realize who you are is normal during the episode in season three where the characters go to the aquarium. It was earth-shattering to see Nick tell Isaac that it’s okay and normal to be upset when finding yourself when Issac comes out to the group as asexual.

I think a lot of what Heartstopper has given me is what my inner child needed to see and hear. I think that the creators of the show perhaps knew that some viewers would find themselves in a position similar to mine. I think they included a subtle nod to this in season three. When Mr. Farouk tells Charlie he should consider running for Head Boy, he encourages Charlies by telling him that he thinks it would inspire many students at Truham. The camera then cuts to Mr. Farouk looking at a seat in the classroom in which we see a young version of Mr. Farouk. I think it goes without saying that the moment is symbolic both of Mr. Farouk thinking of his younger self and inner child as he encourages Charlie, and of Mr. Farouk seeing Charlie live his authentic life helping him heal his inner child. I’m pretty sure I felt the same emotions Mr. Farouk felt.

I will be forever grateful for the comics and for the show. I have absolutely fallen in love with the story and with the characters. It brings me great joy to think Heartstopper has helped so many on their journeys. Evidently, I think it has helped me on my journey too, even though I’m no longer as young as the characters. Heartstopper is the perfect blend of real, heartfelt, and proud. It will forever have my entire heart.

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